when i don't want to talk to anyone, but need to...

Take all of your wasted honor
Every little past frustration
Take all of your so-called problems,
Better put 'em in quotations.

Walking like a one man army
Fighting with the shadows in your head
Living out the same old moment
Knowing you'd be better off instead,
If you could only . . .

say what you need to say.

why is it so hard to talk to others in the midst of hardship and trials???

i've gotta say i'm not very proud of myself today.

got VERY little accomplished.

just not a good use of the time God has given me.

(i hate it when i have days like this...<sigh>)

it's a little frustrating, 

BUT IT'S OK.

i know this whole "staying" thing takes a few months at best to really get used to.

the sad thing is, i don't even know what i was trying to run from today... i guess being lonely.

i hate it that i live a half hour from practically everyone i know. it just makes life a little more complicated.

on the other hand, i know that Satan is trying to use my poor use of time and food today to tell me that i have NOT made progress.

LIE!!!

Be strong in the Lord
And never give up hope
You're gonna do great things
I already know
God's got His hand on You
So don't live life in fear
Forgive and forget
But don't forget why you're here
Take your time and pray

But the waves are calling out my name and they laugh at me
Reminding me of all the times I've tried before and failed
The waves they keep on telling me
Time and time again. 'Boy, you'll never win!'
"You'll never win"

But the voice of truth tells me a different story
And the voice of truth says "Do not be afraid!"
And the voice of truth says "This is for My glory"
Out of all the voices calling out to me
I will choose to listen and believe the voice of truth

THESE WORDS ARE ENCOURAGEMENT FROM THE LORD

THAT

I AM OK.

IT'S ALL SUCH A PROCESS.

BUT I AM LEARNING.

at times i'd like to say that i don't have anyone who really cares about me.

who check in on me and calls me.

sometimes i just get so tired of always doing that for others.

i guess no one's ever really asked me to but isn't that the reason for the Body of Christ?

it's not an excuse really. in reality, i don't reach out when i need to. that's the real problem.

but the enemy knows my weaknesses and catches me when i'm spiritually, emotionally, mentally exhausted and have not replenished spiritually with God's Word.

this is another REAL problem.

WHY DO I THINK I CAN DO IT ALONE???

maybe it's more an issue of feeling worthy enough to ask for help and support from others.

i believe that is my next step-

understanding and recognizing the signs of when my respect for myself has declined b/c THAT is when i make really bad decisions. 

well, that, and continuing to learn to stay. to be content in each moment. and to continue to understand & admit when i'm running

<sigh>

when did life get so complicated?