One year gone, another year come

So this is my New Year's post... a week late, obviously, but that's just life. oh well.

i wanted to really recap the year as a declaration to myself of all the things i have accomplished.

(if the perfectionist in me doesn't see progress 

depression ensues so this is an important part of life for me.)

In a nutshell, last year i had 3 goals:

1. run a half marathon

2. learn to surf

3. complete a triathlon

The results of last year's goals:

1. ran 2 half-marathons with plans for completing more this year :) i discovered i LOVE racing long distance!! something i NEVER thought i was cut out to do

2. my trip to hawaii was cancelled resulting in procrastination in accomplishing this goal (maybe this year?)

3. swimming competitively freaks me out and i really don't care anymore now that i'm loving running. (maybe a duathlon this year?)

so, yeah, basically my succes rate is 33.3%

BUT

last year was SO much more than that!

one of my dear friends introduced me to the idea of a "vision board" a couple years ago and the most current one i am measuring myself up against i had ALL last year so i think that, really, is a MUCH more accurate way of measuring my growth as a person, which honestly matters more to me...

here are some inspiring quotes that are on my board and circumstances that proved their validity in my life:

1. be a better you- 

*in a world constantly influencing us into thinking we need to be someone else or "be" a different way, or change to be accepted, in all the ways i'm changing and growing i want to do so in a way that i can stay true to myself.

2. travel to our waterworld, swim through the air, run through the water and be one with the humidity- (b/c i HATE humidity and that is all FL has unfortunately)-

*the summer of 2009 i really let the heat and humidity of summer in FL to make me ornery and upset. in 2010 i wanted to CHOOSE a positive attitude and make the best of it! i was MUCH happier this summer and embraced it as well as i could- seems to have worked b/c my husband told me last week it was the hottest summer on record and it seemed much more bearable to me than the previous year.

3. Time to shine-

*this kind of goes along with #1 but i really wanted to take my passions and and be the best at them i could be. my life in 2010 felt very enriching both through self-cultivation and service

4. early bird gets the burn-

*it was a goal of mine to not let early, early mornings get in the way of me carving out time to run. i'd done it in high school- why not now?? mission completed. many mornings my sneakers found themselves hitting the pavement before 6am in order to train for my second half marathon.

5. self expression-

*in the past year i have really given some thought into what MY art is. i am working on developing my personal style and voice in the art i create and am giving myself more time to do so. 

6. give voice to your heart- 

*in May of last year i quit my job of 3.5 years simply b/c i realized it wasn't what i wanted in my life anymore and b/c i had a choice. in my mind, sticking with this job was something that had been on a "timeline" of what i expected out of myself but when i really reevaluated where i was personally and what i wanted out of life at that time i realized the two could not coexist. really it just comes down to the fact that i NEVER want to look back at a period of my life and wish i'd done it differently. Carpe Diem! some opportunities that are here today will not be here tomorrow...

7. confidence is about your inner vision of who you are- 

*this blog is the result. choosing to find who i am in the very depth of ME- not in my OUTWARD APPEARANCE

8. live your best life-

*comparable to #6. take chances, make changes, love who i am, what i'm doing. check! 

9. my only requirement for life is that i don't get stuck in a rut-

*LOVE this one! God created me for an abundant life and that's what i aspire to! whether it's learning, exploring, training, health, my marriage, lifestyle- i NEVER want to take for granted where i am and find myself accepting that all these facets of my life are in the "fine" category. i ALWAYS want to be growing and challenged.

10. you've blazed your own trail-

*in a day and age when people are most always satisfied with their current circumstances i'm constantly reevaluating my life and circumstances, dreams and goals, aspirations and cultivating an all-around "gutsy" attitude to do what it takes to make the most out of this life, these talents, abilities, dreams God has given me; to the chagrin of my husband, ha. 

"to strive, to seek, to find and not to yield" (as in to the status quo.) no thanks! :)~ 

so really, in all the things that matter, last year was a 100% success!

it certainly wasn't perfect (refer to the last post!) but i'm happy to say that all the difficulties bring me to where i am today- and i wouldn't do it any different... (well, except for maybe the infection!- MISERABLE)

in the fact that last year was certainly a success for ME, 

i've come to my ONLY meaningful resolution for this year:

~success in my marriage~

you see, unfortunately it took some drastic circumstances in the last couple weeks of last year to show me that i have NOT been the kind of wife that i ought to be. as i reevaluated what a wife is supposed to be- biblically- i could not find myself in that description. on the outside, maybe, yes. but on the inside?? in my hearts of hearts?? no way. because my husband and i are so independent he has never asked me to be different but i see now that i MUST be. i have not been the "help meet" as God created woman to be when He created her for man. maybe this doesn't make much sense but it is VERY clear to me in my head. i have not been my husbands greatest supporter, cheerleader, confidant, friend. putting him before myself b/c i WANT to. revering, respecting him as the leader of our home. none of these things have happened unconditionally as i've been called to do. but i DO want to. i see it now and find myself in a place where perhaps i have never felt so in the center of God's will before. perhaps because this service as a wife is really to the Lord first and it is obedience- no strings attached, no stipulations. simply because it is what i'm created to be.

basically the way that i'm beginning to see it is it's all about 

growing my rootz

in my husband.

in who he is, in his needs, in his dreams, in his life.

i really want to be interwoven into his life

and i don't think that has happened yet.

i now see he really is 

ALL 

i have on this earth and i WANT to be an inseparable part of his life.

and honestly, i'm EXCITED! 

i do believe this next year will be the best yet of my marriage.

i cannot WAIT to see what the year holds!!

So This is the New Year

i find myself in a back corner of one of Savannah's finest independent coffee shops and have to ask myself,

"When is it that we divert from what we love and make life so complicated??"

it never fails, i always come back to the same aspirations 

whenEVER i am in a town such as this.

i go back to my art.

back to the small town feel- that exists inside a rather large town- that i adore.

back to exploration.

back to the vigor i really want in every day of my life.

back to what is exactly, completely, wholly ALL that i really want:

a cup of tea, a book and my husband by my side  

preferably on a rainy afternoon

(and not necessarily in that order)

oh yes, and most times with biscotti or a scone as well

(just not today)

such simplicity, soooo

why do i make life so complicated?

it's times like these i really have to contemplate what it is that i devote myself to every day.

of course this is always so easy to say while on vacation. 

but at the same time it really is unfortunate how so much i allow stuff to run my life.

another adoration:

living in an area where i can walk to and from the market, coffee shop, bookstore, art galleries, etc.

-it's just pure joy!

i get so tiresome of running out to the store all the time that i think i purchase more than is needed just so that i can save myself a trip. but then everything piles up. and God knows the piles certainly don't take care of themselves. i need a return to simplicity. FOR REAL.

-an extremely daunting request of  an artist, fashionista, musician, and athlete.

i told myself no resolutions but perhaps this can simply be my quest for this year.

to purge.

when you come as close as i have to losing the thing most dearest to you

you just simply have no choice but to reevaluate.

who you are, what you're doing, where you're going.

and what of all that MATTERS

2010 was learning to love myself, perhaps 2011 will be learning to love my life- no strings attached. 

wholly, purely, organically.

in all it is, whatever it is, not expecting it to be something it's not.