The complexities of what faith encompasses...

Soooooo, not sure why but for some reason have been totally uninspired to write on this blog lately... can pregnancy hormones do that too???! they are so multi-faceted...

Anyways,

...here's a rather astounding truth I've been coming to terms with as of late...

I've been doing a Bible Study with about 4-5 friends each week. One that is centered around believing God:
-believing He is Who He says He is
-believing He can do what He says He can do
-believing I am who God says I am
-believing I can do what God says I can do        and
-believing that God's word is active and living in me

some pretty good concepts if you ask me- they seem pretty simple but in actuality are pretty complex. I've been mulling over #2 specifically

~believing He can do what He says He can do~

this one in particular because I've come to realize that in order to believe this of God i must ALSO believe that just because he chooses NOT to do something in my life does not mean it's time for me to work on fixing it.

this certain point has made me realize that in the past when God has chosen not to do something i've asked Him for, then i tend to try and take over the steering wheel again- instead of accepting and CONTINUING to trust even when He does not work miracles.

this past week's study was particularly encouraging as it touched on examples of lives of people in the Bible that had to learn this same lesson. a couple examples:

1. John the Baptist- this one really blew me away b/c i don't remember him being at a point when he doubted what God was doing or Who he was- after all, he is the  one who proclaimed 

"Behold the Lamb of God Who takes away the sins of the world." 

YET
when he found himself in prison he couldn't help but reevaluate his beliefs about God. Hmmmm.....

2. Shadrach, Meshach and Abednego- you know, the three guys who found themselves in the fiery furnace because they refused to worship an idol like the King commanded? yeah... ASTOUNDING faith. again, never really noticed this part of their story
BUT
when they were told what would happen to them if they refused to bow before the idol they responded,

"our God whom we serve is ABLE to deliver us from the furnace...

BUT EVEN IF HE DOES NOT

let it be known to you, O king, that WE ARE NOT going to serve your gods or worship that which you have set up."

THAT is the kind of faith and fortitude i want to exhibit in my life!

WOW.

and then last night i was re-reading a chapter out of Bittersweet by Shauna Niequist again... and in the process was reminded of why her writing speaks so deeply to my soul...

"I believe that God is making all things new. I believe that Christ overcame death and that pattern is apparent all through life and history... I believe that suffering is part of the narrative, and that nothing really good gets built when everything's easy. I believe that loss and emptiness and confusion often give way to new fullness and wisdom...

But for a long season, I forgot all those things...

I realized all at once... that the story I was telling was the wrong one- or at the very least, an incomplete one... Looking back now I can see that it was more than anything a failure to BELIEVE in the story of who God is and what He is doing in this world... Instead of living that story I began to live a much smaller story, and that story was only about me. I wanted an answer, a timeline, and a map. I didn't want to have to TRUST God or anything I couldn't see. I didn't want to wait or follow... even when I sat in church and begged for God to direct my life, those things didn't have a chance to transform me, because under those actions and intentions was a rocky layer of faithlessness, fear, and selfishness."

I prayed to be rescued, not redeemed. I prayed for it to get easier, not that I would be shaped in significant ways. I prayed for the waiting to be over, instead of trying to learn something about patience or anything else for that matter.

I couldn't make peace with uncertainty- but there's nothing in the biblical narrative that tells us certainty is part of the deal..."

...in the very least it was a good reminder to me of what a healthy focus is for me right now. over the past couple months my prayers have consistently been for redemption, reclaiming. the Enemy is so very persistent but i have NO doubt my God is orchestrating His own battle... it's just the waiting, the putting up with, the tolerating... living within a wasteland of souls that weighs me down so that i forget that MY story is ALREADY one of redemption and life, growth and abundance!

as nervous as i am, i can not WAIT to hold this little one in my arms... 

a new promise, a new blessing, a gift of grace.

redemption. 

it's all around...