need v. want

so i've been a little absent from my blog since last post for a few different reasons...

first, right after i'd posted i was getting back into working out a little i was in a car accident and so now am not working out at all AGAIN.

secondly, i'm maybe enjoying life a little too much, well that's good. ha

thirdly, not being able to work out is forcing me to be even more creative in being active and also is making me focus on more and work through my relationship with food. time-consuming but good. really good.

which brings me to my point- sometimes what we want in life is not what we need.

ie: food. i've been trying to live by the standard of eating however much of whatever i want when i'm actually hungry. but i've always questioned, ok, that's all well and good but how exactly does that fit in with my pre-diabetic condition? and what i've realized that i missed part of the point... the point of separation between body/mind and emotion. see, my relationship with food has been largely based on emotion, but actually taking the time to feel hunger cues and to then hone in with my mind into what my body actually wants as opposed to my emotions is a whole new thing. having a pre-diabetic condition, my body is not really going to be wanting those kinds of food that make it sick. amazing... i guess in the past i have viewed my body as one with my emotions and therefore could not trust it. now i know different. my body DOES know what it wants- if i let them, my emotions are simply what confuses it.

this subject matter is all very comical given i just now remembered that my husband used to tell me when we were just friends,

"i won't give you what you want but i'll give you what you need". 

not that that is humanly comprehensible by another human, but funny all the same.

anyways, a thought i had last night, which is completely opposite of above point-
"i don't need you, but i want you".

and it's true. no one necessarily needs any one person yet we end up with someone whom we are forever inclined to choose to want whether or not we feel like we need to. and aren't i vindicated when i make that right choice to want time and time again when i don't really feel like it? hmmmm, think again...

although it was rather freeing to have that thought and then it hit me like a ton of bricks that that is exactly how marriage was intended to be. have you heard that statement somewhere else??????!!!

how about the Bible?
not word for word, yet that is the whole message of it. God does NOT need us yet He elects time and time again to want us, to want to be a part of our lives and to be loved back. He, of His own volition, created human beings who He KNEW would defy Him yet He invested His whole being into us b/c He chose to WANT us. to have communion.

so why am i surprised that this profound realization ended up in my head?? i shouldn't be. marriage is a complete reflection of God's love for us, of His continued yearning, continued pursuit, continual sacrifice. this story has been around for AGES.

yep, i end up pretty humble when i compare myself to HIS example as opposed to those of other humans. bummer. guess i'm not so special after all... no super human powers, no super human graces, simply the story of God living and breathing in this body. yes, THAT is communion.

and how appropriate this week of Easter... truly, it was a scandalous night.
not another like it in all of history.