Freeing Myself

this week has been really tough.
still learning to be ok with myself sans exercise = HARD.
(why am i afraid to be me without it??)

it's sooo crazy, i'm realizing more and more how it still has been my identity. and struggle with whether or not that's ok? every time i feel bad about myself i want to go for a run or workout to ATONE for whatever i'm feeling bad about. that can't be right. when i am MOST myself i feel fine, eat right, don't even think about working out b/c i am keeping busy with the things i love, and feel FULFILLED. 

i guess it just all comes down to the fact that i really really desire to get to the point where i don't judge myself, in any small way, because of what i see in the mirror or what i do or don't accomplish in a day, week, year before i start 'exercising' again.

i recently made a new image board (-cutouts of pictures/saying from magazines depicting what i want in my life-) and the phrase that keeps catching my eye whenever i pass by it is "Free Yourself". it's sad. i see now how i have never before allowed myself to be anything else but The Athletic One. it's not at all that it's a bad thing to be such but it's about time to allow myself be 'free' again. i know that there is a part of me that likes being athletic and active but i DON'T want it to be a requirement of self-acceptance any more. i'm better than that.

i'm interested to see what will become of me after all is said and done...

as my brother posted the other day:

 "all that we call spirit and art and ecstasy only means that for one awful instant we remember that we forget."

what has your spirit forgotten?

where do your chains need loosed?

"[Luxury] is about pursuing what you love and desire - trusting your instincts and convictions and transforming your life into what you want it to be. In the end, luxury is personal."