what is YOUR heart longing to say?

i love the purifying properties taking a shower has on my soul.

at the same time, i hate that i feel a need to purify myself.

...it's kind of like the same way i love running and then 60% into my mileage i have this mind game with myself about what in the world was i thinking and what did i ever think i'd accomplish by taking on the world at 5am in the morning. 

~but there's such a sanctity to it too~

honestly, as i've been training for my next up and coming half-marathon that i'll be running this sunday,

one of the songs that i've gone back to time and again is "Voice of Truth" by Casting Crowns.

Not necessarily the most upbeat, pump-it-up, get 'er movin' kind of song but i've realized along the way that when i don't think i can go any further, when i don't feel like i have another step in me, THAT'S when all my insecurities resurface to validate all the lies running through my head. and that's EXACTLY when i need to hear that every step of the way Jesus is singing over me, glorying over the fact that i'm loving the life He has given me- without giving power to the lies my heart will so easily believe if i let it.

in all sincerity i feel like it is a daily battle to really stay true to myself and to keep the spirit God has given me, alive.

i know full well that i have way too many hobbies and interests-

maybe i'm just uber-talented, haha.

seriously though, i really wish i took more time to paint, to draw, to play the piano, to read, to write, to sew, to make jewelry, to ride horses... the list goes on.

you know the drill...it's always 

"later", 

"after the laundry", 

"this weekend", 

"over the holidays", 

"once the dog is potty-trained", 

"once work is under control", 

"once the baby is a year old", 

etc., etc., etc.

well, i actually have been reading a little more than normal recently 

and today i was really challenged once again by Shauna Niequist:

"We're desperate  for great storytellers, great painters, great dancers, great cooks, because art does something nothing else does. Art slips past our bains straight into our bellies. It weaves itself into our thoughts and feelings and the open spaces in our souls, and it allows us to live more and say more and feel more. Great art says the things we wished someone would say out loud, the things we wish we could say out loud...

I know that life is busy and hard, and that there's crushing pressure to just settle down and get a real job and khaki pants and a haircut. But don't. Please don't. Please keep believing that life can be better, brighter, broader, because of the art that you make. Please  keep demonstrating the courage that it takes to swim upstream in a world that prefers putting away for retirement to putting pen to paper, that chooses practicality over poetry, that values you more for going to the gym than going to the deepest places in your soul. Please keep making art for people like me, people who need the magic and imagination and honesty of great art to make the day-to-day world a little more bearable.

And if, for whatever reason, you've stopped- stopped believing in your voice, stopped fighting to find the time-start today...Do something creative every day, even if you work in a cubicle, even if you have a newborn, even if someone told you a long time ago that you're not an artist, or you can't sing or you have nothing to say. Those people are bad people, and liars, and we hope they develop adult-onset acne really bad. Everyone has something to say. Everyone. Because everyone, every person was made by God, in the image of God. If he is a creator, and in fact he is, then we are creators, and no one...can take that away from you."

really, i'm just plain tired of coming home from work each night feeling like i haven't done anything of importance for the day. not even that, but rather that i haven't gloried in the gift it is. i want to be the best me every day that i can be and i know that part of that is returning to the things i love- that are wholly a part of who i am. 

not facebook

or catching up on my favorite shows

or having one more serving of the ice cream in the freezer that shouldn't even be there

or checking my email

i love catching the 

little moments

little inspirations

little revelations

little sparkles of hope and joy in the eyes of a three year old.

i hate to say that too often i miss it because i forget what i'm looking for-

i forget the stuff i'm made of and what it takes to keep me myself.

that said, i'm off to create some gifts for my niece...